Friday, October 29, 2010

Sometimes in Life...

Sometimes in life, you don’t get what you deserve. This is one of those moments. Well, to tell you the truth, such moments are part of daily routine. It is like bad luck chases me down the street, sits beside me, greets me, hugs me, and finally digs my grave. And before I know, I have made a wrong choice. I have made a choice that deprives me of what I deserve. I have made a choice that would make me doubt my capabilities; make me think whether I actually deserve what I thought I do. After a long time, after I have convinced myself that I do, in fact, deserve what I missed, remorse sets in. Why did I have to make that freakin’ decision?

What makes you decide on something anyway? Your mind? Your rationality? Your train of thoughts? No, no and no. It is more your environment, your surroundings, your peers, your parents. There is always the induced thought that makes you decide. At the end of it all, there is nothing original about you. But what matters is that you have to go through the consequences yourself. You are the one that receives the flak, the one that gets hurt, the one that gets humiliated, the one whose life you are not even a small part of, the one who doesn’t get what one deserves.

Well, if you are asking if I am cribbing about how life has been unfair to me, the answer is yes. And I should not crib out loud on a public forum? To hell with that. I have always written what I saw, what I thought and what I felt here in this space and this time is no exception. Now who got something I deserve and what it was that I not get is beyond the scope of this post.

Leaving all this aside, what would you do if you came to know your stint on this stage called ‘life’ is coming to an end? What if your character is being written off? What if you are one of those that is very close to an ‘eternity of nothingness’ (from “The Invention of Lying”)? What can you do about it? Nothing, right? You knew very well that one day or the other you would have to go off. But still when that day looms closer, you freak out.

In Tamil there is a wonderful dialogue; “Saagappora naal therinja vaazhara naal naragam aayirum” (if you know the date when you are going to die, the days you live will be hell). What would you do if you were one of those chosen ones and you know “the date”. Say you have about 6 months left. What would you do? What can you do?

Some of you are crazier than I; so I am expecting a lot of crazy responses to the question above. :-P

Note: This post is written in a very depressed mood. Do NOT take anything written here seriously. I have just gone crazy again. That also explains why the blog doesn’t make any sense. Ok, now don’t ask me when my blog has ever made any. I know it hasn’t. :-)


  1. Hi..good to read ur post again!

    Referring to "It is more your environment, your surroundings, your peers, your parents. There is always the induced thought that makes you decide. At the end of it all, there is nothing original about you.", i dont think its necessarily true. based on the surroundings/society/family etc., you decide; but ultimately the decision is urs!!
    If u decide to play the good gal card, there's a high probability that all that uve written here would come true. for a change be the BAD person and trust ur heart alone. ull see the difference.


  2. Confused on few points:

    1) To take it as crazy post / serious post even though you want us not to take seriously
    2) To Comment or Not Comment :)
    3) To Interpret some message out of it ?

  3. "Yenna idhu chinnapulla thanama Peelinguuu... Akkakuu asingama illaya? Kanna thoda...Siri...nalla siri....Aaannnghh! Adhu..."

    Wats life without problems...thattitu poitae iruka vendiyadhu dhan....Everything is for Good!

  4. Hmm. It's interesting because I have read a parallel proverb that goes roughly along the lines of, "Your actions are determined by your decisions, your decisions by your thoughts and your thoughts by your karma". Yup..kinda throws free will into the crap bin..but what the hell?!

    If I had 6 months to live...hmm. I'd like to think I'd be stoic about it...but then who knows...when the situation arises I might just panic and panic bad.

    As much as I'd like to think otherwise, most of us are just gonna go the scientifically proven way:

  5. Interesting post again. I just feel that most of the times in our society we take decision based on others ideas but when it goes wrong, "The Others" disappear. well thats life and we need to get on with the same. Not that easy as it sounds but thats how it is.

    Well now for your question, If I had just 6 months to live, what would I do? Very difficult question, I guess like most of them who know their end I might just panic and make those 6 months more dreadful. But if I manage to remain calm, I would leave whatever I am doing right now and just do the thing I always wanted to do, which will give me the sense of satisfaction that I did no let that pass by.

  6. Hey, interesting post !
    I think many people make decisions based on the 'safe-way'. Fear of the unknown, so different from the proven way, has always been a reason for people to back off. We should therefore be full of admiration for those who choose their own path no matter the culture, opinions and prejudice that surrounds them. Most of us will just be part of the grey mass no matter how much we dislike to admit it...

  7. Hi Sandhya
    Came into ur blogpage from some comments....from some where...nowhere....? It was good that i landed in ur blog.....Fantastic happy to read a blog of a person who is by nature as exactly as engineering professional...sorry a masters degree engg professional ...with work experience in my dear India....Singapore...Dubai...few visits to many places including USA....but still thoughts are ringering in my mind...this is not my passion...not my cool area...but still i had worked in my engg line with only motive that i should save for my family..........

    now half way thro that...i want to return back to in engg field.......job that becomes a side work....and the Main work shall be ...Writing..Writing..Writing.which may or may not fetch monetary benefits...but will give me immense pleasure...keep blogging always...Please reply in comments or ur blog...

    Read lot of pages in ur blog...happy that some more pages are there for me to read which i can read in my next free time...


  8. @celebrate ur FREEdom
    I truly respect you for making that courageous decision to be the bad guy, with only your heart to trust. I wish I get that kind of courage some day. :-)

    Haha.. Sorry to have confused you so much. I was just being crazy. Wait, I am a natural at that. :-D

    Yes, everything is for good. I agree with you on that. Problems only make me stronger than before. No azhugaachi anymore.

    Hehe, you still believe in that Karma thing? I have lost all respect for that long ago. You never get what you deserve and I have come to terms with that idea. And I found out that I have more than 6 months to live. Lol ;-)

    Exactly, the others always disappear when things are bad like rats trying to escape a sinking ship. And I have more than 6 months to live. so yayy!!!

    So true! Most of us belong to the "average" lot, too afraid to do what we actually want. Like the Spain idea ;-)That is also why I truly admire and respect people who go after what they want irrespective of what the others said to discourage them and more importantly for fighting the devil within them.

    Welcome to the blog! Glad you liked it. We are all the same in that aspect. Except for those extra-ordinarily strong individuals who decide what they want to do and actually get down to do that. :-) Welcome to the club of scared losers! Come on, out day will come too!

  9. what is that supposed to mean - a few footnotes would have helped !


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