Sometimes in life, you don’t get what you deserve. This is one of those moments. Well, to tell you the truth, such moments are part of daily routine. It is like bad luck chases me down the street, sits beside me, greets me, hugs me, and finally digs my grave. And before I know, I have made a wrong choice. I have made a choice that deprives me of what I deserve. I have made a choice that would make me doubt my capabilities; make me think whether I actually deserve what I thought I do. After a long time, after I have convinced myself that I do, in fact, deserve what I missed, remorse sets in. Why did I have to make that freakin’ decision?
What makes you decide on something anyway? Your mind? Your rationality? Your train of thoughts? No, no and no. It is more your environment, your surroundings, your peers, your parents. There is always the induced thought that makes you decide. At the end of it all, there is nothing original about you. But what matters is that you have to go through the consequences yourself. You are the one that receives the flak, the one that gets hurt, the one that gets humiliated, the one whose life you are not even a small part of, the one who doesn’t get what one deserves.
Well, if you are asking if I am cribbing about how life has been unfair to me, the answer is yes. And I should not crib out loud on a public forum? To hell with that. I have always written what I saw, what I thought and what I felt here in this space and this time is no exception. Now who got something I deserve and what it was that I not get is beyond the scope of this post.
Leaving all this aside, what would you do if you came to know your stint on this stage called ‘life’ is coming to an end? What if your character is being written off? What if you are one of those that is very close to an ‘eternity of nothingness’ (from “The Invention of Lying”)? What can you do about it? Nothing, right? You knew very well that one day or the other you would have to go off. But still when that day looms closer, you freak out.
In Tamil there is a wonderful dialogue; “Saagappora naal therinja vaazhara naal naragam aayirum” (if you know the date when you are going to die, the days you live will be hell). What would you do if you were one of those chosen ones and you know “the date”. Say you have about 6 months left. What would you do? What can you do?
Some of you are crazier than I; so I am expecting a lot of crazy responses to the question above. :-P
Note: This post is written in a very depressed mood. Do NOT take anything written here seriously. I have just gone crazy again. That also explains why the blog doesn’t make any sense. Ok, now don’t ask me when my blog has ever made any. I know it hasn’t. :-)