Help me escape!

I finally find some free time after so many days of hectic work. Yes, I have work and yes, I am (have become) hard-working and yes, that is what kept me from writing more frequently. Trust me! On top of all these, whenever I am home, I am inundated with aunties asking me when I am going to get married – and by aunties, I mean every woman who is 30+ years of age, ranging from blood relatives to distant relatives to neighbors to I-just-met-you-in-the-bus-but-I-don’t-at-all-feel-it-is-inappropriate-to-ask-you-to-get-married-soon types. Seriously, WTF is their problem? Is it:

1. “Yaam petra inbam, peruga ivvayyagam” (Let the world experience all the happiness I experience; this expression is used generally in sarcastic comments) or
2. I am so bored with my daily mega-serials and I just want to mess up somebody’s life and who better than you or
3. I cannot digest the fact that how you are so carefree and independent or
4. I have a relative whose son is a loser and I just like making his life even more miserable (with a typical mega-serial villain-ish grin) or
5. I just want to while away some time (eating your head) during this insanely boring bus ride.

What is it? And how long do they exactly expect me to reply with a oh-so-fake smile on my face, dismissing all the urges to reply with a killer one-liner, controlling my temper and refrain from shouting out to God to forgive the aunties and take them to heaven (immediately)! And what angers me even more is when my mom finds it alright to the extent of being natural. When are they ever going to understand that when and who I want to marry is my choice and the random-aunty-I-met-five-minutes-ago-in-the-bus does not have a say in it? Just leave me alone, aunties!

Next time onwards, my reply is going to be any one of the following:

1. (With the most innocent look you have ever seen) Aunty, I am not sure who you are. (And run like crazy in the opposite direction)
2. Amma said there is something terribly wrong with my horoscope and I would have to wait for five more years before thinking about marriage.
3. I don’t want to consider marriage before at least one onsite trip (I am sure that ought to shut them up – Iyer aunties are so impressed by such ideas; on the down-side, I may never get married ;-) )
4. I want to take up brahmacharyam (and give them an hour’s lecture on giving up material desires and karma and moksha until it is their turn to escape from me).

Any other ideas are welcome! :-)