Lot of times, the people who you think loved you the most prove by their actions that their priorities are different, with you being in the lowest rung of their priority ladder. They cry out from rooftops that they love you, would do anything to keep you happy and promise you the universe, but when it comes to the part where they “act” upon these, they are shaky. They try to convince you that they have something else that needs attention; if that doesn’t work out, they say, “You would understand my position if you really loved me” – thereby putting the blame on you; if that doesn’t work out, they try giving you the silent treatment. But in my case, it was entirely different. There is this person who was born around 4 years after me, laughed and cried with Harry Potter more than she did with us and never really cared about the family she was a part of.
Putting all that in the back burner, I have just come back to office after a week and a half and there is so much more to catch up on and to continue from where I left it. My inbox was flooded with 2500 mails (90% of which were unwanted mails that needed nothing more than shift+del). The leave I took has made me feel a lot detached to everyone; made me see everything from a distance; analyze people and events without any sense of belonging; to be nonchalant and most of all, not loving anyone.
Lately, I have had so many thoughts and every time I sit and think about something, I tell to myself that I'd capture the thought-train and post it on my blog; but later when I sit to write a post, words fail me. I forget what I had thought or what triggered the thoughts. I have always been proud of my ability to remember events and dates and numbers with extra-ordinary ease and now this!!! Eppidi irundha naan ippidi aayiten...
I know this post has become a lot senti and many people who know me/read my blog regularly might me wondering what is wrong with me or if I have gone nuts (I know most of you think that already!) or if something tragic has happened to me. I really don’t know what is wrong with me people. If you know, please let me know in the comments section.
Cum on, u shud kno her by now. It's not that her priorities are screwed up, it's just that she is radically different from you (and me). She will always b there for you when it matters the most and i think you already know that deep down. Chalta hai, relationships are not always easy to deal wtih be it with bf's or bff's or siblings or even parents. space is the key-word and given time things will sort themselves out.....
ReplyDeleteHakunamatata hun....
Sry if I am interfering or shooting off ma motor-mouth.....
ReplyDelete@Priyanka
ReplyDeleteHuh... Knowing her, I wouldn't say matters would be better than they are now. Anyways, thanks for trying to cheer me up. Deep down I know that we are never going to be the same again and I don't actually care too!!!
And don't be sorry, I had asked for readers' comments, after all!
Sandhya,
ReplyDelete:-).Well,it is all about EXPECTATIONS.
That is the word which spoils most of the relationships but still it is humane to have expectations.Some Wiseman said "Whatever it may be judge it by weighing it with the kind of importance it is gonna have in your life after 5 years from now" :-).
Have a nice day,
K.Kiran.
@Kiran
ReplyDeleteYeah, I guess expectations hurt. That might me one of the reasons why I am distancing myself from everyone now. I didn't even think about expectations until you said it in ur comment! Thanks, man!!!
Miss Sandy, its no wrong in you're expecting something from somebody. After all, its your life, and its you who gotta enjoy it. Word, i would advice you not to spoil it cause you couldn't get through your expectations that you expected from others. These ppl whome you expect something, may have expectations from you as well... well, this thing will never end unless any one of you decide to mellow down. Its a hardcore deadlock and this happens to each and every human with a heart and a working brain... End strap, i would say, you show them how you feel by giving the same old venom to them as well... I wouldn't advice you to realize and step down, cause its your life and life's all about taking revenge... Cause we humans understand only the language of practical experience...
ReplyDeleteNow, I'm Carl. I just moved in to this blogging stuff. I bet my new blog would be a surprise to you. I wish if you could help me out by introducing my blog to your friends so that their comments force me to develop some interest and start rocking my blog... See you as a comment at my blog Sandy.
@Carl
ReplyDeleteWow, I am happy my blog inspired that post. Keep blogging!
As for ur question of "why should I forgive?" and "life is all about taking revenge"... I guess not. I think that everybody makes mistakes and if every victim starts to think of taking revenge, the world would come to an end. So, revenge is NOT the answer!
Of course human beings understand the feelings of someone else only when they are put through the same thing! But hey, we should just leave it to God and move on. Trust me, one day or the other, they'd go through the same thing and think of what they had done to u and repent. :-)
Hmm... Sandy, I know what ur problem is., An Ideal Mind. Spend more time watching IPL (I can't ask u to spend time working., its me making a mockery of u).
ReplyDeleteHowever, Learn to FnF (Forgive & Forget), Moreover when that SHE is 4 yrs Younger to u.
By the way, I lovvvveeeedddd that image which u've put on ur post :-)
ReplyDelete@Dhinu
ReplyDeleteThanks for loving the confused image :-S
And I don't think it was a case of idle mind. Spend more time watching IPL - I'd do that had there been 8 matches a day (8matches*3hrs = 24hrs) and as for working, you know me better than that :-D
FnF is an option, but I don't seem to be able to either forgive or forget. Time will tell...
Your problem is routine. The routine is killing you.
ReplyDeleteSo when there's nothing to look for on the outside, I suspect one starts looking inside, and that usually is a process that involves rationalising emotions (like that's even possible). This of course is followed by self-pity, anger, loss of self-esteem(not likely with you but...),sadness, despair and finally we take the only way out. Point fingers at people (others/yourself) as a reason for all this inner turmoil.
When the real reason is the inner turmoil is there, coz the outer world is a mess. Everybody talks about inner peace. It's difficult to have inner peace if you're feeling impotent in your life.
So Sandy dear..ask yourself if you're where you wanna be/going where you wanna go in life. If you're not then that's probably the reason for this 'dissatisfaction' with things. Coz when you're really really happy, it's not easy for 'others' to hurt you. Is it?
Find peace...come to Bangalore...turn alcoholic. :D
@Abhijith
ReplyDeleteWay... good shot dude...
@Sandy
Good to see you in peace !!! Keep digging on it ! Like what Abj said... "when you're really really happy, it's not easy for 'others' to hurt you."
@Abhi
ReplyDeleteWhat u are saying completely makes sense. All this started because I felt incapable to do what I wanted to and what drove me even crazier was the fact that a lot of people who don't deserve it as much as I do are being given a chance!
You are right once again when you asked to find peace in Bangalore and alcohol!!!
@Carl/Abhi
I guess it will take some time for me to accept the hard realities of life and the fact that life is not fair always!
been reading ur blog for a while..
ReplyDeletei find myself more or less same situation as urs..though i end up writing nothing at all...cos for eons i have been trying to put up own blog and i do get the Eureka thoughts but quite cant get the thoughts on a paper or a PC at the end of the day
@vintez
ReplyDeleteI have been lucky enough to have been doing that for quite some time now. It is just for the past week or two that I am unable to put thoughts on PC; maybe I should try paper! :-)
Really, if u wanna try ur hand at writing, u should go for it.
I too have tried a couple times to start and maintain a blog. It starts well and everything, but after a while it'll get nowhere. Its not because I can't get my thoughts onto the pc, but because I can't decide if the post is too personal. And guess what, I get called an extrovert..rofl these ppl. Another reason I couldn't blog abt personal stuff is because my opinion would change after say a month or so and what I wrote earlier would seem stupid to me (Thats how diary entries stopped as well). I know realization sucks ehh..but its supposed to be the step in the right direction.
ReplyDelete@Topic, I don't believe an "if and only if" thing applies to love. It shouldn't matter if they have you lower down in the priority ladder. Moreover, you don't know what prompted that person to do whatever they did unless you walk in their shoes. So, FnF.
I was watching the movie Forrest Gump. In that, the protagonist makes a comment "Shit Happens" and then it starts appearing as bumper stickers on every car in the US. So, sometimes in our lives too, shit happens, we can only clean it off and move forward.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes to you to come out of the lows.
@Arvind
ReplyDeleteRegarding your blog, I guess you should write what you feel at that point of time without worrying how true it would be after a month or so. Because personal opinions are subject to change and we shouldn't worry abt making an ass of ourselves; it is a part of the "growing up" process
About my topic, well, I guess there was nothing to think about putting myself in my sister's shoes and all that. And as for FnF, I am not ready for it... yet.
@Vinay
Moving out is the answer, yes, but in my case there is more than one way to move on. I am just thinking of taking the way in which this problem doesn't occur in the future :-)
Bling bling... Congrats San, looks like you've got a lotta response to your blog.
ReplyDeleteAnnouncement:
Guys, this creature here was feeling bad that she din't find much response for her previous post. This is the first person that i've seen being serious about getting responses to her every post.
To San:
Good work. And as a comment to this post, i think you should just take it as a part of life and learn to adjust and understand others.
@45gran:
Please, don't mislead ppl. May be it was a strategy that you had applied, but i feel it doesn't work with many ppl. Especially for ppl like San. Lucky you it worked this time... Well don't consider this as an insult or something like that... this was just an FYI, cause i know her better... :-)
heyya, I think I'm gonna give blogging another shot. Also, check this out :D
ReplyDeletehttp://xkcd.com/106/
@Arvind
ReplyDeleteGood; send me the link of ur blog then!
And that link you have given - it's awesome, too funny!
yeah probably...i have been a bit lucky with the paper though :) as i am maintaining a journal kinda..shud look into it for some fodder to put up on the blog...
ReplyDelete@vintez
ReplyDeleteThat is great. You must be having a collection of events/thoughts ready. All you have to do is type it out for a blog. :-)