Ramblings of a little girl...

Imagine I force you to eat some delicacy that I prepared. I know it is quite possibly the most terrible of stuff you'd ever have had in your life and wish you are never tortured this way by God again; but being the ncie, polite person you are, you try eating it (I'd say attempting to eat is an achievement in itself) so that I don't feel down and low. You are controlling your vomiting sensation and eating it because I said I'd treat you later at your favourite restaurant in the city. By the time you finish eating it, I fill your plate again with more of the same unpalatable stuff. But still, you think of the mouth-watering dishes you'd get to taste during the treat later in the day and go on with my absolutely tasteless food.

After an hour or so, you finish having it and say, "I'm done with it. It was great."

I look at you up and down, look at the plate and say, "You left the tiiiiiiiiiiny bit here in the corner. So I'm not gonna treat you."

How would you feel? That is EXACTLY how I feel right now. I slogged at work in this project for 6 months, completed whatever task was assigned to me within the stipulated time, had no complaints on me from the client's side and still, I got a meagre "Meets Expectations" as my appraisal rating and the reason for this as told to me was, "The client feels there has not been much contribution from the offshore team. You clearly have not taken any new initiative... (Me: Duh, I have worked and that is a new initiative in itself ) You should have been more proactive, interested in learning new technology..." GIMME A BREAK...

First of all, I am stuck in a job that I don't like. Well, that is not my PM's problem, but that is a major factor, don't you think? I feel like quitting my job and finding a job that pays me to talk - a call center executive, an HR personnel, an RJ, TV reporter, or to write - well, newspaper columnist, writer, whatever... Anything but IT... But the only problem is, I won't get paid as much in any other field (at least not at the start)...

Dear God, please let me find a project that is interesting or a new job that I like that pays me well... Am I asking for too much?

Problems....

Last week, I got viral fever. I still don't understand where I got it from.... Oh... yeah, my room mate had it and I was unlucky (not exactly unlucky, the word is weak :-)) to contact it from her. And suffer, I did...

My mother, fortunately, was in the city and once the doctor told me it was a viral fever and it will persist for another 2-3 days, I went to Coimbatore along with my mother. I had everything from temperature soaring to a 104.6 degrees to joint pain to rashes on the face that scared the shit out of me to vomiting... Phew... It aches to just type so much! On the brighter side of it (yes, it did have one) I got so much attention from my mom. She took leave for 3 days from her office and sat beside all day and fed me food and made me eat all the tablets and gave me fruit juices and what not (to make me "ready" to be back at work next monday)...

All this happened at the time when "students" (I'm not sure if I can call them that anymore) were brutally almost killing each other, media personnel trying to capture every cruel blow on tape (no, they worry neither about the students who were being beaten right in front of their cameras, nor about the mental condition of the viewers - after all, they were bringing in hot news for their respective channels, what was more important than that???) and above all there were a few people clad in khakhi clothes (yeah, similar to the ones who catch us to check our driving licenses during peak hours) near white cars (the ones with "Police" written in the front) watching the entire thing like it were a circus show... Where is our country heading?

All this was going on when I got a call from one of my colleagues who asked me if I could book a couple of tickets for "Vaaranam Aayiram" at Sathyam for him and his girlfriend.

I really didn't know what to say...

Deshdrohiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.....

I was sooooooooooo bored this morning and that is when Yals pinged me. This is the chat transcript of the chat we had this morning... No wonder time just flies by when there are friends like this one... Love ya loads buddy...

Yals: morning sandy
Yals:"Only blackness knows how to cherish light"
Sandhya: mroning di
Yals: i love u sandy :P
Sandhya: huh???
Yals: lolz
seriously i love u
platonic love :D
Sandhya: y?
u der?
Sent at 10:09 AM on Tuesday
Yals: yeah
how can i say a reason for loving?
Sandhya: ohhh appidi varaya???
sheri sheri
Yals: lolz
Sent at 10:09 AM on Tuesday
Yals: de wat's with this desh drohi hero guy
how did he get a chance?
i mean he is looking so pathetic
Sandhya: hmmm.... egmore railway station-la beeda vithuttu irundhaan
:D
Yals: lol
seriously
Sandhya: awesome na?
super stunts
Yals: is he having any connections with dawood?
Sandhya: i really wanna watch the movie
dunno
Yals: u got to be kidding me
Sandhya: i'm skipping vaaranam aayiram and watching deshdrohi
Yals: lol
Sandhya: hez my dream boy
Yals: good for u :P
Sandhya: my prince charming
;-)
Yals: may be if u kiss him he'll turn beautiful
;-)
Sandhya: hahaha
seriously, how the hell did he get cast?
Yals: he must be having some connections
Sandhya: sure
Yals: i really doubt it must with the underground dons
Sandhya: i think he's some producer's son
Yals: no re
no decent producer will do this to his son
Sandhya: hmmm
true
Yals: or he might have the tape of some famous personality in some inappropriate position ;-)
and he wud have blackmailed him to cast him
:D
Sandhya: possible
Yals: geez am creative
Sandhya: jeez... u shud write a story
Sent at 11:07 AM on Tuesday
Yals: yeah probably
Sandhya: start ur blog na?
Yals: but who'll read it ;-)
Sandhya: i'll reasd
read*
Yals: :) wokay
un thalaiyeluthu athuna mathava mudiyum :D
Sandhya: please write na...
i'd love to read it

I guess it is there for all of you to see how jobless we are to be chatting topics of international importance on a tuesday morning from work...

Rising in love - Introduction

For a long time now, I have been wanting to write this story - the story of Shruti*. Now, Shruti is a dear friend and whatever I write about her here are true life experiences and since I have had access to her diaries and her text messages and her emails, all conversations in the story are real and authentic.

It is a pretty long story - an experience of a lifetime within a span of 6 months - a plethora of feelings compressed into mere words. Since it is going to take up so much time and spac, I intend to write it in parts - episodes, I would like to say, but I am not sure if they would be of equal length.

I don't know how much justice I can do to the story. I don't know if my language is good enough to put all her feelings into words. I am sure if someone else writes this, it could be better. But I was the one who understood her and I guess that is why I am writing this instead of conveying the story to someone else and getting it written by them. I guess I have understood her emotions like no one else and hence pray to God that I should be able to do justice to it.

I have tentatively titled the story as "Rising in love..." (as opposed to falling in love, because no one call ever "fall" in love. They can only rise, and rise as a better person!)

*Name changed on request

Special people have special 'rules'

Why is it that people become so possessive about the ones they love? I mean, it is alright to want your guy/girl to treat you in a special way... But asking them to cut off from their respective friends??? Sorry, I find it absolutely disgusting!!!

I have seen/heard of boyfriends asking their girlfriends, "I tried calling you, but I guess you were talking to someone else. My call was kept waiting. Who were you talking to?"

"Huh... I was talking to mom."

"Mom? Are you sure?"

What the heck!!! Possessiveness is bad enough and when it paves the way for doubting one's partner, it becomes worse!

And I have heard girlfriends asking their boyfriends not to send (even forward) mails to other girls. She says, "Hey, I got your forward mail. You have sent it to R, I, L and M. And I am just one of the many recipients of the mail."

"It wasn't a personal mail that only you should read. It was just a forward, yaar. Forwards are supposed to be sent to a bunch of people."

"Ohhhh... So I have become just another person in a big bunch of people you know, is it?"

Gimme a break!!!

Love is something that grows out of mutual respect and admiration. Trust is the foundation of love and where there is trust, there can't be any doubting and therefore, there shouldn't be any possessiveness! Last time I experienced possessiveness as such was when I was in 5th std and my best friend An told me she will not talk to me until I stop talking to Pr. Now, Pr and I weren't the best of friends, but she seemed to understand what I was saying better than An. I thought An was way too childish (at 10 we were matured adults, who thought possessiveness is childish) And here we have a million guys and girls (who are supposed to be smart IT professionals) who do the same thing in the name of love.

To all these people who want to be possessive and the ones who are suffering from being 'possessed', I have just one thing to say... "GROW UP!!"

Gayathri, the observer!!!

Wow... It is Monday. Well, I guess I belong to the 0.0001% of the world's population who says, "Wow, it's Monday". For people who don't understand why I am such a moron, read this.

So life at office and otherwise totally rocks. To add to the excitement is the news that my sister is visiting me for 4 days (from Friday to Tuesday) and hence I have a looooooooooooot to plan for the weekend. For the folk who don't know my sister, time to introduce Gaya.

She is a sweet(?) little (she was, once upon a time. Now she's bigger than me) pest (I'm not exaggerating)... She and I have a lot of things in common - we share ideas, sometimes we sing the same lines from the same song at different corners of the house and when we meet we find that we are singing the same song (tell me about telepathy), given a situation we tend to react in exactly the same way, using exactly the same words (twin souls, you might say), we like the same kind of books, we have similar interests in music and sports - and yet we are poles apart in character.

Sandhya is the talkative, dynamic, chirpy, funny but foolish (yes, I accept) girl, while Gayathri is the quiet one at home - the observer. I make a million friends in a matter of hours and it takes very few incidents for me to break up a relationship and come out of it, while Gayathri is exactly the opposite. She takes time to mingle - she observes a lot, she talks very little and listens very patiently and decides who she should be friends with - and even after making the decision, she wouldn't be all that keen on revealing much about herself to most of her friends.

When I am a part of the gang, I tend to be right at the centre, making fun of others and being made fun of and being loud and dancing and all that - in short, I am a party person! While Gayathri, as much as she enjoys herself when she is out in a bunch (she doesn't talk much, she just listens and laughs at the jokes the others crack), she has a small circle of friends who she is very close with (trust me, she is close with people who were her friends since age 3 - LKG friends)... I think it is a gift. I can't remember a lot of people who studied with me from that age!!!

I am kind of selfish and think only from my point of view, where as she tends to put herself in the other person's shoes and probably that how she scores so many friends who trust her completely....

Well, I am not jealous of her or anything, this is just the way I am and yeah, I am very happy with myself (who isn't) ;-)